In the skin : I made this url because I've had a hard time with myself these past years. I've battled anxiety disorder and clinical depressive disorder.(depression). I've wanted to be a smart,beautiful, worthy person. But I felt so low I thought I was hopeless. (That's why my old url was pipe-dre4ms) But I've gotten better. I realized that you can change yourself , and change and put on a mask for the world, but what matters is in the core. There's just some things you have to except. You're going to be in your skin for the rest of your life so might as well get comfortable with it. A factor to my depression is my loneliness. I feel like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and no one will ever want me. A part of me WANTS to be ok with that. And another part of me wants to wait and find out. I don't have complete control over my life or whats happened or will happen. I have to learn to completely except myself for who I am because all I can be is me. I'm trying to allow myself peace. I don't want to be miserable anymore. We can't be anyone else or swap lives with anyone else. So we have to learn to be comfortable in our skin. Alot of people probably won't read this because of the length, but thank you to those who do. I'm managing myself. I can't erase the painful memories of my childhood, but I can change how I feel about me.What happened to me when I was 5 wasn't my falut. What happened to me when I was 10 wasn't either. We all go through hard times.I will never why those awful things happened to me and I really wish I didn't.But I can't hate MYSELF for that.I have to simply let go.This is my skin.I'm learning to love it.And I hope one day I will. Because it is terribly hard. One day I feel fine and the next i feel like i want to die. But I mean, i guess this is just part of the process. No one is perfect. Although sometimes i feel like im getting better, but then something will happen to make all of that go away. As for you guys though, Im always available and ready to talk. My ask and message box is always open. I track the tag depression and suicide, and i go on there and message people to make them feel better. I probably can't help myself because im trash (i mean....) but if i help someone from killing themselves that would be the greatest thing. So far Ive helped at least >83. And I hope to help many more! <3 12/29/12
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